Done is better than perfect
And you probably did a lot.
I opened my Substack account this morning with a fair amount of dread. Staring back at me are three drafts of musings from May and June that I never finished. The guilt of not being able to get even one simple word out over the past months hits hard. The shame of starting something I didn’t finish is even worse. All the could-haves and should-haves come rushing back, and I feel the self-inflicted weight of disappointment heavy on my shoulders.
Growing up, I was never “grounded.” In our family, we had “privileges taken away.” (Although without TV or cell phones, it’s hard to say what those privileges were. Landline phone time, maybe? Computer games? No dessert? I’ll check in with my parents and get back to you.) Even more dreaded was the “We’re not angry, we’re dissapointed” talk that accompanied any sort of offence. (Again, I like to pretend I was an angel child. Which, honestly, I think I mostly was. So who even knows what I did to deserve these reprimands? I won’t be asking my parents this one.)
Disappointment became the ultimate failure. Now, as a fully fledged adult, I no longer need parents or authority figures to inflict the shame of disappointment; I can do it all by myself! (Wahoo!) I know this perfectionism/people-pleasing trait is woven tightly around many from my generation (and beyond), and I know that often the first person we aim to please is ourselves. Simply because we know we can do things amazingly (I won’t say perfectly), we feel obliged to perform at that high level all the time. This, in turn, translates into not wanting to do a single thing unless it is done at the very best. And this is, consequently, why things don’t get done.
Anyone relate? Don’t be shy.
The secret truth is that if you’re one of the many people that get sucked into this vicious cycle, that if your mind is constantly wondering, “Is this enough? Am I enough?” you can just stop yourself right there and know that, if you are worrying that who you are, what you do, isn’t enough, it’s already way more than enough.
I’ll vouch for you.
I can easily slip into the mindset of all the things I haven’t done or didn’t accomplish or have let fall behind. The yoga, the writing, and the studying for my Italian driver’s licence. It doesn’t take much for me to spin into disappointment. And clawing myself back out isn’t always easy. But it’s worth it. I plant my feet firmly on the ground, take a deep breath, and remind myself of all that I have done in the last two months:
Celebrated one year of marriage
Organized two birthday parties and successfully organized the transport of a very special watch into Italy from the USA as a surprise gift
Led eight people through Puglia for a week and ate way way way too much. Delt with grumpy drivers, no hot water, and an unexpected rainstorm
Hired a new employee, got 17 stamps and 15 signatures for the paperwork to make it happen and coordinated the signing of a six page document between five people who never respond with the others in CC
Filed my taxes and groaned about how much money I owe
Read seven books, swam in the sea at almost every chance, and stopped drinking coffee for three days (just because)
Chatted with friends, hung out with my dad, and survived Rome in insane heat
Battled numerous colds because of numerous planes, trains, automobiles, and the dreaded Italian sbalzi di temperatura
Watched the five and a half hours of French Open tennis finals and discovered the only sports bar in Cefalu
Worked (a lot). Coached (a little). Took calls. Walked. Fed myself. Did a ton of laundry. All those essentials.
Not to bore you, but just to remind you, whatever you do, is the right thing to do, and whatever you do, is more than enough.
If you want to talk about people-pleasing, perfectionism, accountability, or maybe just tell me about all the things you do do, I’m here.
Sending warm wishes (or cool wishes, whichever your prefer!) your way.
Henna